Cat Scratch Fever

For those of you with cats with nails you know there comes a time when it's very evident they need to be trimmed. My moment came yesterday morning when Sully attached himself like Spiderman to the front window screen. Those perfectly curled nails of his hooked him onto the screen securely with four legs outstretched - he looked like one of those Halloween decorations where the witch has gone "splat" flattened against a tree. After I rescued him from his nail-embedded trap I took him to the powder room a.k.a. the smallest room in the house a.k.a. "The-Cat-Nail-Trimming-Torture-Center" You could see the look of recognition come over Sully's usually happy-go-lucky expression as the door shut. It was if he was saying "Oh shit, how did I let her lead me here so blindly!" The woe-is-me howling soon followed before any nail even touched a trimmer. Drama King.
You see there is a very spoken deal in our happy household that I explain to the cats before the ink has even dried on their adoption papers. It goes a little like this...I will not declaw you. I don't believe in it, I've witnesses the procedure in person during my years working at vet hospitals and I will not subject you to the agony. In exchange you will allow me to trim your toenails as needed. Seems so simple right? You dear kitty get a wonderful pampered life and you are spared amputation! Do you know how lucky you are?
As kittens they are all on board. "Oh yes kind lady who's adopting us, anything you say, nail trims? No problem. Did we mention we are cute and fuzzy? Nail trims? Sure, whatever. Just get us the hell out of this shelter!"
Then they get home and get comfortable and memories get a bit blurred. Heck two of them even behaved during the first few nail trims in an attempt to fool me into thinking I finally adopted a cat that doesn't mind it being done. Then by nail trim 3 or 4 the dramatics begin.
Henri my 14 year old cat has hated nail trims with the core of her being for exactly 13 and 3/4 years. Her style consists of hissing and Halloween-cat back arching accompanied by the low growl throughout. You'd think she'd mellow at her age, but no, she musters up all her geriatric energy in opposing me and turns into evil cat the minute the trimmers come into her line of sight. I calmly tell her for the millionth time that "you'll be so much happier Henri once they are trimmed and you don't get stuck on the carpet!"She stares at me without blinking. I'm pretty sure she's plotting my death. A death involving a giant size toenail trimmer.
Brody the 2 year old dilute calico holds the record for making me bleed the most times during a nail trim. She turns into rigamortis cat the minute the trimmers appear and freezes like a statue. She won't flex any of her joints and retracts her claws so tightly they disappear into her paws like a David Blaine stunt. She is not very vocal which to be honest is a tad more frightening, when she bites you it come without warning. I have attempted to logically reason with her to no avail. No matter how many times I tell her if she would just cooperate we could get the trimming done and over with quicker she still seems to kitty smile as if to say "sure thing" and then promptly sinks her teeth into my hand.
Sully during nail trims is by far the most vocal, as those of you in the western Chicago suburbs can attest to if you heard the wailing at 9:35 a.m. yesterday morning. No it wasn't the monthly Midwest testing of the tornado siren, it was my Siamese. He throws his head back for dramatic effect and quickly becomes a circus contortionist when I attempt to trim a paw. He is the only one who has attempted to scale the powder room wall in an attempt to escape the windowless room. An endeavor that while ambitious is not possible due to a little thing we science minded humans call gravity.
All 3 cats will ignore me for hours after "the torture". I usually use this time to apply band-aids and deal with the emotional pain and suffering of having your animal companions dislike you so much for doing something good for them! Yes, I've tried positive reinforcement. Yes I've tried treats. Yes I've tried Soft Paws - the kitty equivalent of Lee Press on Nails. They suck too. If your cat doesn't want their nails trimmed they certainly don't want to sit still for you to do a full out pedicure complete with plastic nail tips you Crazy Glue over the cat nail. Did any of the above scenarios I described sound like they would be enhanced by the addition of Crazy Glue?
Let's face it - cats hate nail trims. I need my crew to go to group therapy meeting with cats that had guardians that did declaw them. I picture a wood paneled room in a church basement with some tabbies milling around the free coffee... Orange Cat:"Hi, my Name is Morris, I'm a domestic short hair and I was four pawed declawed. I feel violated and insecure. Group: Hello Morris!"
That's it! Then Henri, Brody and Sully would realize how damn lucky they are to have to have nail trims! In case you are wondering I have used that scenario as part of the serious discussion I put forth with the cats in a vain attempt to reason with them - It's usually met with biting, yowling and looks of contempt. Meee-owwww.

This Week's Official Friend of Fiona is...Penny

Oh my... take a gander at this looker! We dare say we were smitten by the soft filtered lighting, the gorgeous cushioned bed and soulful expression...we just had to pick Miss Penny as this week's Official Friend of Fiona! She looks so lovely in her custom made RannyGazoo Lucky Fiona Collar. Her Dogmom Abbey now has the challenge of picking out Penny a free custom collar for sending in her photo and being chosen this week's winner. Congrats Penny!

Dugan's Mailbag

Dugan has previously shown interest in the lovely Maizie-dog. She is quite a bit younger than him but her older IS sis Maddie is already spoken for so he is shooting for a May-December romance. He recently received this letter from Maizie's Dogmom:

Maddie and Maizie feel like movie stars in their new Lucky Fiona collars! They love them! Thank you for offering these great products. I'm sure they will have to have more than one, and they will be the envy of all the dogs in the neighborhood. :O)
Maizie has a potential habit that may turn Dugan off. She is a crack head, I hate to say. After bringing all the grocery bags in the kitchen, Maizie stuck her head in one and wouldn't get out. When I finally pulled her head out, she had white stuff all over her nose! She had ripped the top off the flour and was going to town eating and snorting it. It was hilarious, but of course the camera is nowhere to be found when you have something that needs to be caught on film! We need to start a support group for Setters on Crack. Maybe she actually did it to impress Dugan since he sent her the picture of him with the mohawk and leather and spikes collar. Who knows her motive!?!
Thanks again for the great products!

Melissa Law

Dugan's Response:

To My Beautiful Maizie,

Maizie you look just lovely in your new collar. I'm sorry your Dogmom did not understand that you were merely attempting to assist her in unloading the groceries. I find often that our setter actions are not only misunderstood but completely unappreciated! You truly are a setter after my Irish heart, I too once ate flour. In fact I ate a whole bag of it. Sure I stole it out of the pantry, but this was a few years ago before my DogMom and DogDad put a whole new door on the pantry because I learned how to open it and help myself. Maybe someday you can come visit me and I'll show you the x-ray of my stomach and intestines after ingesting a bag of whole wheat flour. The emergency vet said it was the most unusual and fascinating thing she ever saw so I guess that is good, right? As usual I was in trouble over it, but really I was eating it because wheat flour is gross and if they think using it in their muffins and pancakes is going to make them taste better they are sorely mistaken. But you know how it goes, nobody bothers to thank us.

Thanks for your pictures and please keep writing me, I know our age difference is a problem to some, but really all Irish setters are puppies at heart so what's the big deal?

All My Love and Setter Kisses-

Dugan

We love a rave...

Fiona's getting a big head with all the compliments! What people are saying about Lucky Fiona collars.

"Sweet! The whiparound will be very much enjoyed! The collar and leash are beautiful and extremely well-made. My dog pulls a lot on his collar and leash, and Lucky Fiona totally stands up to his abuse! Super friendly seller, awesome products, shipped quickly, packaged carefully, perfect transaction! Thank you!!"

"Absolutely amazing! The leash arrived so quickly, and it's made so well. My dog saw the yellow package and knew she was getting another gift. She was hopping up and down and whipping her tail back and forth while I opened it. She looks so great in her collar and leash combo, and she is ready to showcase her fall fashion. Thank you so much for making this for us. We are certainly going to be back for more."

"Just love this material and your quality in workmanship has me coming back for more. Thanks!"

"TOTALLY BOSS!!! Fits great, made super sturdy, charm is PERFECT with the theme! I can't say enough great things. Will definitely be back for more!"

Keep the comments and feedback coming! It helps us keep going and remembering why we are so passionate for our collars and sharing them with the world.

This Week's Official Friend of Fiona is...Mitzi!

Cue up the tin whistle and the bodhran drum this week's Official Friend of Fiona hails all the way from the Emerald Isle! Pictured is the gorgeous Mitzi who resides with her Dog-Ma & Da in Ireland. We think she is a most beautiful lass in her Lucky Fiona custom collar in "The Yoshi". I mean really folks, how sweet is that red print against that lovely coat of hers? You don't have to have the luck of the Irish to be Fiona's Official Friend, but it helps! Congrats Mitzi, you win a free custom collar of your choosing for sending in your photo and being selected as this week's winner!

Riley in the Riley!

Look at supermodel dog and inspiration for The Riley Collar... Sir Riley. He is getting ready to take a trip up north to siesta with his Nana and Pop and must do so in style, namely because Riley has the best style of any dog we know and a rack full of Lucky Fiona collars to prove it!Riley is just a real example of the very real dogs we base our collars around. The Riley is sassy, sweet, bold, fun and dangerously handsome. All things Riley.

To see Riley's collar (available in any size/width as make each one to order) Go to:

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=14855581

Daddy's Girls

It is with a clenched smile that I announce that most of the animal companions in our happy and fur-laden home seem to favor my husband. Yes, I rescued all of them, yes I am the one that had to convince my husband to let more paws in the house. I am the one that nurses them back to health, gets their chakras aligned, cleans their ears and knows how to mix their food ratio just the right way. I scrub the litter boxes. I give them their medicine. I brush out the matts. Me. Yet they adore him way more than me. I know I shouldn't complain since I just wrote an entry praising my husband's animal-loving. But the recent defection of Brody our 2 year old cat has hit me hard. Brody has recently decided that Alex is the best thing since canned tuna and can't get enough of him. Sure she loves me and shows me affection, but her enthusiasm for Alex is unrivaled. Her most recent display is to follow him up to bed every evening and give him kitty snuggles complete with purring and head butting. When I get in bed she could care less and sometimes eyeballs me as if to say "Umm Lady, this spot is taken." The irony is the spot is taken...not by me, but by Caelan our 5 yr. old Irish Setter. Caelan has been a Daddy's Girl since puppy hood. I can pinpoint the exact moment I became sloppy seconds in her brown little eyes. She was 12 weeks old and a scrawny puppy mill rescue and we were "fostering" her - I was being very level headed and logical mind you, caring for her every need but not getting over attached. I mentioned to my husband an email I received about a prospective home in Wisconsin I was going to email back. With a look of horror he clutched her close to his chest and said "We can't give her to another family! I love her!" Caelan looked at me with such contempt cradled in his arms. A look I would grow familiar with over the years. Well, I knew she was home for good at that point. Since that day Daddy is all she loves best. She is the first of any of our dogs to sleep in the bed and she lays on my side trying to force me out all night long while keeping watch over her Daddy. When he gets up very early in the morning she leaves the warmth of our bed because apparently it's not as comfortable without him. Sure she acts happy when I come home after an outing, but when Daddy comes home it's a celebration! There is fetching of favorite toys and vocalizations and general jubilation. I can't compete.

Our oldest cat Henri, our matriarch at 14 also loves him more. Sure I rescued her before we even married and she lived alone with me in my New York apartment in her formative years, but once Alex and I joined as one she jumped ship and decided she was "his" cat, not mine. Our first dog Fergus? The dog I wanted so badly and fought for when my husband thought any dog would do. The dog I felt a feeling in my gut was "the puppy", the dog I trained through puppyhood while Alex was out to sea with the Navy? Yup - he loved Alex best. As that dog took his last breath after 11 years with us he stared adoringly at Alex. I sat behind his head with my hand on his heart and let his last moment with us be about the person he loved most.

Oh, I know they love me. I know I'm being petty. But honestly...I would just like one of them to love me best! There has to be some validation for cleaning up their vomit and bathing them after they roll in dead animal. Perhaps Sully will be the one... Sully is still young enough to mold into a Mama's Boy. Yes, I have my sights set on him.

Letter from Fiona to her Dogmom

Dear DogMommy,

First off I would like to mention that Caelan got more food in her bowl this morning than I did. Please don't let this happen again, I can see her bowl clearly as we eat and I know the truth! Now on to my main point... the rain. I hate it. Please make it stop. It is ruining my whole day and today was the third day in a row I was put on lock down because of it. I need to be outside pointing, don't you understand? There are creatures that are terrorizing our yard and do not take the day off because of the rain! Why do you force me inside? Don't start with that "muddy dog" speech or with the "stinky-wet-dog-smell" you seem to dislike so much. I'd like to point out you are the only one who is bothered by it. For instance yesterday when you were upstairs not paying attention - Daddy let me out in the pouring rain without a second thought, he just opened the doggie door and let me do my job. (he so understands my role in this family and the squirrel threat) Then you came downstairs asking where I was and all of a sudden dragged me inside and started complaining about the wet dog smell, Daddy claims he didn't notice it at all. It's not like he would make that up to try to avoid blame.

I think you know the potential threat the squirrels pose to our family and it is my job to point to them and chase them like a wild banshee. How can I do this from inside? I've tried it and for some reason, once again you have an "issue" with me running from window to window whining and salivating on the window panes. Do you know how evil those squirrels are?

I've even tried to compromise with you by doing my patented body-inside-the-house-head-outside-the-doggie-door move. Do you think just any dog can perfect such a move? I'd like to see a dachshund or a shih tzu attempt this. Still you complain even when I leave most of myself indoors that my head gets soaking wet and water is dripping inside the house. I don't get you...are you afraid of the rain or something?

Clearly we need to discuss this further and seek resolution. Meet me at the doggie door.

Your Loving Setter -

Fiona

Fiona is the newest Muse at Throw Me a Bone

Nothing warms a Dogmom's heart more than someone else seeing the beauty in your Fur-Child. Hence we were just pleased as punch around here when Doc Martin (a man and not the shoe) one of the artists at "Throw Me A Bone " (http://www.throwmeabone.etsy.com/) asked to use Fiona's likeness for a print in their shop. He was very inspired by our Fiona when creating this "Media Grafitti" creation and immediately saw her star quality. Doc and his artist wife create these one of a kind digitally illustrated prints in their Etsy shop. Look at my pretty girl, she looks so Warhol-like here! We can't wait to receive the actual print of this image and lovingly frame it in our home. We will now of coarse have to have some done of Dugan and Caelan to keep doggie-peace in the house. Ohhhh...maybe the cats too. Check out "Throw Me a Bone" and their wonderful sister site (http://www.saintsandsinners.etsy.com/) for unique apparel . Not only does Throw Me a Bone they have many wonderful stock prints of various dog breeds, but they offer doing custom work as well. Isn't time for your pooch to get their moment of Pop Art stardom?

This Week's Official Friend of Fiona is...Cherry

Okay, okay...enough with the emails that we have featured too many "little dogs" lately! You want a BIG dog - well, here is a BIG dog! Fiona's Official Friend this week is the lovely Cherry who is a recent rescue to Dogmom Marcie in California. We dare say she is one of the biggest pooches we've had around here in quite some time. Just goes to show that when you go to rescue a dog they come in every shape, color and SIZE! Cherry of coarse had to have our "Cherry Jubilee" print in multiple width collars and a leash to match. Congrats on being this week's winner!

Setter-Sunnies

It's that special time of the late summer season that my dogs love the best...sunflower time. We have hundreds blooming around the perimeter of our yard and they attract creatures that the setters go bonkers over. My pointing princesses start as soon as the sun comes up and have to be dragged inside at dark. They love to point and watch the songbirds eat the seeds and have a special love/hate relationship with the squirrels. I've actually seen Fiona pointing bumblebees on sunflower as well, silly girl. While adding beauty to our yard and keeping my "hunting" dogs stimulated all the seed eating serves a purpose as well. The squirrels are rather sloppy seed eaters and spill a lot of them into the mulch which re-seeds the areas for next year's blooms.

There is nothing sexier than a man that loves animals...

Many women I know have found the perfect soul mate. Some are still searching. I offer a foolproof way to see if he the real deal... see how he is with animals. I'm not impressed by money or nice cars or designer suits. But give me a man that kisses a dog full on the lips and I start to pant a little bit myself. A man that talks baby talk to the cat when he thinks nobody is watching? I literally swoon. I knew at the ripe age of 17 my now-husband was a keeper by the way he had full conversations with his mutt Freckles. He actually altered his voice to speak Freckle's parts which was so charming and probably part of some deviant teenage plan to win me over and have sex with me. (in the event his Mom is reading this - I'm just kidding!) Regardless it worked. He also loved his cat Fuzzy...which he named by the way. When you hear about a cat named Fuzzy you picture a sweet, well, Fuzzy little kitty. God rest his soul, Fuzzy was not a cute nor friendly cat in my recollection. He was large, brownish, not particularly fuzzy and had a creepy cataract that gave him the appearance of a character in a Stephen King novel. To put it frankly, he was frightening. Fuzzy liked to attack and heaven forbid you try to sit on a chair or couch or in the proximity thereof where he was lounging. My sister-in-law likes to tell the story of how she feared walking down the hallway in the morning because Fuzzy would attack her on the way to the bathroom. I actually would carry a broom with me for protection when I was near dearest Fuzzy. But to hear my husband talk about this cat he was the world's most friendly, amazing and loving cat. It makes me adore my husband even more for loving that damn cat. Fuzzy lived for almost 20 years, but for many with emotional scars from his behavior he will live forever in the fearful portion of our hearts.
I was talking with a good friend over the weekend and inevitably the subject of our pets comes up. My pal started telling me how her fiancee composes and sings little songs about their new puppy all the time. Most of them nonsensical but to his credit they rhyme. I already had a high opinion of her soon-to-be-groom and think my friend has made a wonderful choice. He is devilishly handsome, kind, intelligent and has a wry sense of humor. But hearing how he sings to the puppy gave me a whole different view of him! His stock rose immediately, the fact he is silly with the dog is one of the most sexy things I'd ever heard. I may have to grab him for a slow dance at the wedding.
Conversely, I think of another friend whom I had a falling out with last year. The friendship soured and turned toxic as friendships sometimes do, but centered around her husband and his bizarre behavior. Her husband was one of those guys that nobody could stand to be around, not surprisingly he didn't like animals, was very callous and cruel towards them. I could never grasp how she could have married him, she was a big animal lover and advocate, even made animals her career. It just seemed such an odd fit. Feeling as I do for animals I don't think I could spend my life with somebody that didn't have the capacity to love an animal in the way I do.
So single women out there listen up...E-Harmony is not the answer with their 36 question screening to find your perfect match. You just need to get an adorable dog and sit in the park and see how eligible men react. All the answers are there! He doesn't mind the dog slobber on his pants and calls your pooch a roly-poly-guacamole? Start looking for wedding bands.

We Love Fan Mail

Hi,
I wanted to send in a photo or 2 of our collie rescue, Jasmine. She is a princess and the ChocoBloom collar is perfect for her. We were affected by Hurricane Gustav and had just started getting our electricity, water and mail delivery back. The collar was in our first batch of mail since the storm. How exciting it was to get something fun and beautiful. We love it.

Thanks,
Merry

This Week's Official Friend of Fiona is...Rowdy!

What is it with dog's named "Rowdy"? This is the second Rowdy we have crowned F.O.F. around here. They all seem to be adorable and they all seem to love Lucky Fiona, which frankly there is absolutely nothing wrong with! Dogmom Jessica sent us this lovely shot of Aussie cattle dog Rowdy sporting "The Batty" in a one inch width. (great style choice!) We hope he won't go too batty picking out his free custom collar for being this week's winner. Congrats Rowdy!

How to Lasso a Cat in 27 Easy Steps

Oh how my husband and I love to brag about Brody - our well behaved and well trained cat. Yes we announce at dinner parties "Our darling Brody is the perfect cat! She goes outside but has never even attempted to leave the inside of the fence in 2 years!" Oh how we yammer on about our perfect cat who enjoys all the elements of nature in our backyard with no risk of getting lost or harmed! Why she sleeps in the sun for hours on our deck and curls up on the patio furniture! She loves to chase bugs in the garden and doesn't know any world exists outside our 7 foot privacy fence. When we really want people to envy us we brag how she comes indoors through the doggie door when we call her inside. Always a showstopper.
Yes our Brody has never left the yard in 2 years...until the other night when an unruly dog (yet to come forward and admit the crime) dug a hole behind the hostas that created a 2 foot opening under the fence. A hole large enough for a cat to easily step through to the outside world. I was walking Fiona and Caelan home around 8:00 at night when I see a cute kitty in my reclusive neighbors landscaping. Why isn't that cat cute - it looks just like Brody I say to myself... Holy crap! It is Brody! She's out of the yard!
I quickly run inside and rouse my husband who is semi-conscious after taking a muscle relaxer for his strained back. We check the backyard quickly and see the aforementioned hole and 3 setters stand around us like "holy smokes -how the heck did that get there?" Fiona seems particularly guilty looking with her head low but there is no time to interrogate, we must get the cat back to safety.
The funny thing is I have always been a proponent of people letting their cats outdoors if they choose to. I know it's a personal choice and I know the risks. Our older cat Henri has been allowed outdoors for 13 years and she's lived in 4 states and 7 different houses. She has never been injured and never strayed far from home base. She is miserable if she cannot be out in nature - it's part of her. I also know I am very lucky she hasn't been injured or lost. Brody was our happy medium - all the joy of being outside with no risk of leaving the safe confines of our yard. Sully our kitten is so busy terrorizing the inside of the house and it's occupants he doesn't seem to notice the outdoors - we'll keep it that was as long as possible.
But Brody being out of our yard put me in a state of panic. I worried she'd be confused, she'd be scared. What if she wandered away and never came back? My husband and I for the next 3 hours pleaded, sang kitty songs, shook treat bags and used reverse psychology to try to get her out of my neighbor's yard. None of it worked. At one particularly desperate moment we brought our cat Henri outside, put her down on the driveway and asked her to go and bring Brody home. We nudged her and said "Go on girl! Get your sister!" I mean it always works in the movies and old Lassie TV shows so why not? Henri's response was to look at us with scorn for taking her out of her cat bed and start grooming herself - all while never leaving the driveway. I think it was the feline equivalent of flipping us off.
Brody skulked around the recluse neighbor's landscaping and eventually wedged herself through a 5 inch gate opening in his fence and trapped herself in his backyard. This presented additional rescue problems as A.) the crazy recluse next door padlocks his gates and being a recluse will not answer his door B.) My cat cannot remember the 5 inch opening she entered into the yard from. So for an hour she paces the yard like a caged tiger trying to figure out how to get out. We know she can easily jump the fence, she is a cat after all. But remember...our well trained cat does not jump fences. Remember us? The braggers who like to gloat our cat can't leave a fenced yard. It's all fantastic until your cat really needs to leave a fenced yard!
Much comedy prevails as my husband jumps the fence, retrieves the cat and hands her over the fence to me. Crisis averted right? Yup...until your drugged husband falls coming back over the fence and rips his shorts and curses loudly causing the cat you are rescuing to claw you and leap from your arms in fear. Irony follows as your cat finds that same damn 5 inch opening she couldn't find from inside the fence and enters the yard again. Cat 1 - Stupid Cat Guardians - 0.
My husband has admitted defeat at this point and starts reverting to 1940's lingo in his delirium . "She'll come home when she wants her meal ticket punched!" "She knows where her bread is buttered!" "You can lead a cat to water, but you can't make them scale a fence." I realize at this point he is of no help and needs to go to bed.
My husband sent inside and midnight approaching I take a moment to appreciate the beautiful night and the peacefulness of my neighborhood in the late summer moonlight. Why have I never noticed it before? I sit opposite of Brody on the grass - the fence between us, she rubs her head against my hand through the metal of the chain link and I laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. Life is somewhat of a screwball comedy, isn't it? I had just watched Katherine Hepburn in "Bringing Up Baby" the night before and marveled at how witty it was, her and Cary Grant chasing a lost leopard through Connecticut. Then I had a thought... if Kate Hepburn can lasso a leopard why can't I lasso a domestic short hair? I went inside and grabbed a slip lead off the dog's leash rack and a large canvas bag from the garage I use for groceries. Determined I went back to the fence line with a renewed sense of commitment. I left a large loop open on the leash and threw it towards Brody a few times. Nothing. I draped the large bag over the fence and asked her to jump in...also didn't work. Channelling my inner Kate I threw the lead over again and actually circled Brody's shoulders, slowly I pulled the lead until it tightened around her. I draped the giant bag over the fence onto the ground and pulled her into it with the lead. I had a cat in a bag!I slowly pulled the bag over the fence until I had my Brody. It was so late and dark outside nobody could witness my marvelous feat, but then again, how crazy must I have looked lassoing a cat at midnight into a "Go Green!" canvas grocery bag?
The next morning I did some creative landscaping to fill in the hole and lined it with river rocks to prohibit future escapes. Next time I'll skip all the animal know-how and head right to Turner Movie Classics for the answers.