News Hound

I have a strange fascination with reading the local police blotter. Always have. In fact I sometimes even log in online to read my hometown NY newspaper's "Police Beat" just for hoots. Yes, I have not lived in NY for 15 years, but hope springs eternal that somebody I may know will show up on the Police Beat. I know, I really need to get a little less time on my hands.

So you will understand why the following police report headline caught my eye in the local-yocal Chicago suburban news rag that gets plopped on my driveway for free every Thursday:

"ARREST OVER DOG EATING SANDWICH"

I quickly summoned all my setters around to point out this exciting police blotter tidbit. I was hoping to perhaps scare some of them straight - Dugan looked a little uncomfortable at me announcing this headline with such glee. Fact being that in his 10 years of counter surfing and sandwich stealing he could be looking at some serious time in the clink for his past crimes.

I went on to read the story and learned that in fact no dogs were doing any jail time for sandwich thievery. Sigh.

The real story behind this headline was a 30 year old man was under felony arrest for beating his dog with a broom after the dog ate the sandwich he just made. The battery charge was not for what he did to the poor dog, but for him using the same broom to beat a woman who was attempting to stop him from hurting the dog any further. The article pointed out the woman did pull the dog out of the house and to safety before calling 911.

I have so many questions...I guess this is part of my perverse fascination with the police report. Like, why wasn't he charged with animal cruelty? What kind of idiot is this guy to harm a dog and a person trying to prevent animal abuse? What kind of dog was it? (because if it was a setter the guy should just know they are instinctually designed to sneak food away from you) Did the dumbass leave the sandwich somewhere stupid that the dog had easy access to it? What kind of sandwich was it to fuel such fury? I'm thinking it had to be a meatball or really good chicken parm, something the poor dog couldn't help himself over.

Also - who was this hero woman who risked her own personal safety to pull the dog to safety? I want to have a parade for this lady! I want to name a street after her and shower her with confetti and ticker tape.

So many questions, so many scenarios. This is why I love the police blotter.

I don't mean to make light of such a serious matter either, and I am happy that the dog had a angel watching over him to get him to safety and get that bastard arrested. Still, I think the newspaper editors could have picked a better headline... if dogs could ever get arrested for stealing sandwiches I have some nice reward money coming my way for turning in culprits.