"Hello, Gutan Tag, Allo Bonjour, Dia Duit, Konnichi Wa, Bula Uro, Mambo, Namaste. I'm Beatrix and I am here today to talk about my incredible good fortune in life and my wish for all dogs to be as happy as I am. You see, today is my Spay Day. At first I thought it said "Spa Day" on the calendar and I was very nonchalant about it all. I mean, when you've had one seaweed wrap pedicure and lavender bath you've had them all. But then one day as I was strolling through the kitchen on my way to my meditation mat I saw that "y" after spa and realized my DogMom & DogDad were not taking me to the spa after all.
Being an intellectual I immediately started researching what exactly this "Spay" thing was all about. Thank goodness for Google and my Masters Degree because there is a lot of information out there for this puppy to absorb. I barely had time to attend my seminar on Sushi preparation techniques. As you can imagine between obedience class, level VI ballet and my language arts lessons my days are very full.
So I reviewed the information out there pro and con in terms of spaying and realized as a strong and proud mixed breed bitch that I truly believe in a woman's right to choose. For me getting spayed is my choice and I believe the right one for me.
You may not know from looking and talking to me, but I am the product of a growing crisis in this society. That's right...I was a bastard puppy born to a teenage bitch. My Mother Jordie was a homeless teenager pulled from a shelter by the good folks at Ohio English Setter Rescue(Shout out to my fellow setters at OESR, hollar!) My Dad, well she never likes to talk about him, but it was the classic story of young dog lust you've all heard before. She was looking good on a Friday night and in heat and he just wanted a good time. He left her knocked up and scared with nobody to help her until OESR stepped in and literally saved her life and ours. Babies having babies, sigh.
My Mom has really turned her life around after having me and my 4 sisters and brother with the help of OESR. She was adopted by a loving family after she was spayed and she is actually taking night courses to get her GED. We are all so proud.
So I am proud today to stop the cycle! I'm getting spayed! I will not take the chance of getting pregnant, because let's face it, those boy dogs can't contain themselves around a pretty lady and I've been told routinely since I was born I am the most beautiful girl in the world. It's true, I'm incredibly beautiful and it's a curse I must live with daily. Some say I am the dog equivalent of Elizabeth Taylor with my bewitching eyes, incredible figure and permanent eyeliner. I think it was professional animal photographer Stephanie Moon who photographed me at 7 weeks old who said "Her beauty is intoxicating." But enough about me.
As you read this I will be in post-op with the good folks at Oakhurst Animal Hospital. My DogMom actually had them throw in a pedicure while I am under anesthesia so this turned into a Spa Day after all. I'm proud today to take control of my future, I have so many plans! Travel, agility, swim class, learning the art of origami. I simply could not achieve any of that with a litter of little puppies following me around. There are so many dogs awaiting homes, why chance bringing more into the world?
My name is Beatrix Elizabeth Barry and today I am proud to say is my Spay Day. I wonder if I'll look thinner afterwards?"
Hysterical. Great post.
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