We Hate the Wii

Finding things you have in common with your dog can be heartwarming. You both love to snuggle under the down comforter. You both love long walks on summer days. You both enjoy ice cream when nobody is looking at you eating a spoonful an hour before dinner.
Fiona and I have bonded with a new commonality this past week. We both are annoyed at Alex playing the Wii.
Let me preface this by saying it is all my friend Jen's fault. She sucker punched my husband and sucked him into her full fledged Wii addiction during a visit to her NYC apartment last month. Luring Alex into her Wii-Web with home baked chocolate chip cookies and a chilly January day he could not resist the pull of the Wii. Before we even left New York we owned a Wii. Yes, he bought one in Long Island and carried it on the plane home to Chicago like it was the crown jewels of Europe. Apparently the fear that no Wii systems existed outside the state of New York was too much of a risk for him to take.

Before I knew it Alex was speaking Jen's crazy Wii language and thought he was indeed a Guitar Hero and proudly announced when he hit pro status in golf and bowling. I feigned excitement in these earth shattering accomplishments and it was all mildly annoying until the worst possible thing could happen. Alex injured his back last week and was told by the doctor to "take the week off from work to rest" Nowhere in the doctors orders did it say to play Wii every day. I know because I checked. Alex claims the Wii was a healing tool as it is used for physical therapy in hospitals across the land. This is true as I read something to the effect in the Tribune. Alas, I also reminded him that true factoid was in a facility with trained physical therapists. Alex playing "Welcome to the Jungle" with no mistakes on Guitar Hero is not sanctioned physical therapy.

The Wii has to be the most confusing game ever for your dog to comprehend and I think this is why Fiona too is frustrated with the Wii. Here is your DogDad waving his arm rhythmically above his head and from the side back and forth. Here is Fiona in a play bow looking for the ball/frisbee/fling toy that surely you are playing with her with. Except there is no ball or frisbee or toy. She doesn't get it. Why is DogDad acting like he's throwing the ball with that white controller in his hand? It's a fake out. And every dog out there knows there is nothing worse than the person "pretending" to throw something and then you going after it. It's downright humiliating...especially when you the dog fall for it repeatedly. Poor Fiona is confused every time Alex plays Wii tennis and she is not involved in a game of fetch. Oh the humanity.
Today the Wii sat in the family room silent. One because Alex finally went back to work and two because I have no freakin' clue how to even turn it on. It was delightful and I noticed even Fiona skipped through the family room with a certain type of glee. Like "Ya-hoo, Daddy won't be teasing me with his fake fetch game today!"
While the Wii is a great step towards video game addicted adolescents to get off their bums and move around a bit I think we have forgotten the cost it has on our poor dogs who think all that arm waving is a great waste of a game of fetch with them. For wives of the world we just wonder how we can get our spouses to muster that much enthusiasm for things like the Honey-Do list. "See honey, painting that wall you promised to paint for a year now is just like the movement you make with the Wii controller! Isn't this fun? You'll be a pro status painter in no time!"
For now Fiona and I will let her DogDad have his fun...but come warmer weather all that arm movement better manifest in some ball tossing. So says Fiona, so says I.