Advice? No thanks.

Nothing angers a Dogmom more than people who try to tell you about your dog as if they know them better than you. I especially love people who just randomly give you dog advice where they have no business doing so as they are barely qualified to poopy-scoop much less counsel on being a dog guardian. When you bring your adorable dog out in public, as I do with Fiona, you open yourself up to much unsolicited "advice". Here are some of my favorite little nuggets to share:

* While walking past a neighborhood backyard where some guys gathered to play horseshoes I overhear a lively debate about what breed Fiona is as we approach. The consensus was "long haired-dalmation" or "dalmation-retriever mix". I smile and say "She's an English Setter" as I walk directly next to them. This was met with disbelief and scoffs. One tall guy says to me with a snarky smile "no, she is for sure a long haired dalmation, trust me I know dogs-I've had like 30 of them." Okay, bub...first off there is no such thing as a long haired dalmation, second of all she is an ENGLISH SETTER. Third off - you barely look 30...how the hell could you have had 30 dogs in your lifetime?

* Just the other day at a local dog bakery & supply store I am waiting on line and hear a salesperson telling the guardian of a rather excitable labrador that if she purchased their "special" one time nail treatment they would guarantee her brand new wooden floors would never be scratched. The customer nodded and smiled like a child being offered candy and went into great detail how much money she just spent having wood floors put in and how she would do the "special treatment immediately!". Ummm, unless the special treatment is removing that spazzy labrador's paws those floors are getting scratched lady. I couldn't resist finding out what this magical treatment was so I asked as I got to the counter and the girl looked at me as like she was giving away top secret information and whispered "Our groomer uses this special tool called... a dremel!" Yeah, okay doofus - groomers and dog people alike have been using dremels to sand down dog nails for years and years, it's not a big secret and guess what? Nails still continue to grow after being dremeled! The girl tilted her airy head and said I should totally try it for my dogs and I told her it wasn't necessary, I have laminate floors. I took my bag and left her standing there blinking in curiosity as I am very sure she did not know what the word "laminate" meant.

* Conversation while walking past playground with Caelan and Fiona....
4 year old child: "Mommy! Mommy! Look at the pretty dogs!"
Mom: "Yes that is a pretty dalmation isn't it? Just like your DVD!"
Me: (silently) (Here we go again with the dalmation crap again...I should have just named her Pongo)
4 year old child: "Can I ask if I can pet them?"
Mom: "No just go ahead Emily, they look friendly."
Me (blocking 4 year old running at us full speed with hands flailing and questioning how the child has better dog manners than the Mom): "Whoa...well actually the red dog is a little skittish around children, but you can pet Fiona the black and white setter."
Mom: "Are you sure about the red one because I saw her tail wagging before."
Me: "Yes, I am sure, she has always been nervous around children."
Mom: "You know what you should do? File her teeth down. My Dad did that with one of our dogs that bit children and then he couldn't hurt anybody."
Me:(horrified) "Wow, really, well, she has never bit anybody, she is just nervous around loud excitable children."
4 year old child:(bouncing up and down) "I want to a pet the red one, the red one...THE RED ONE!"
Mom: "No honey, that dog bites. Remember what happened to Aunt Sarah's dog? He had to go away after he bit your cousin Nathan." (turns to me and whispers "Euthanasia")
Me: "Okay, well have fun this afternoon!" (quickly herd dogs away before any more great advice is forthcoming about my biting dog that has never bitten anybody)

So in closing, I love to talk dogs. But perhaps not with everybody.