Oh New Carpet. Let me enjoy ye. For you do not realize what is in store for you. I admire your innocent enthusiasm as you were carefully rolled into our home yesterday. So fresh and cushy, new carpet smell permeating the whole house, sun shining on your frieze pile. Little did you know what lurks in your future.
You see new carpet...this is a home full of animals who have no regard for you. They do not revere you in the same way we humans do. In your future there will be "accidents" of every type. There will be 2:00a.m. steam cleanings after a dog has broken into the garbage and christened thee with the aftermath. There will be stains that will greet us for months to come. You know the type..."The Dog Ate a 15 pound bag of Cat Food" diarrhea variety. The "Dog-Daddy is watching the baseball game and ignoring dog's whines to go outside to pee-pee" type. The cats are especially evil, I'm sorry to tell you carpet - they have all their claws and they will vomit on you at the blink of an eye.
You will never be as pure and perfect as the day you arrived. Muddy paws will take your clean-carpet virginity before night fall.
So let me welcome you to our home and thank you for this 15 minutes of pure clean carpet perfection. I think I should take this opportunity to introduce you to your 2 new best friends as well...The Dyson Animal Vacuum and the Bissell Steam Cleaner. The 3 of you will be spending a lot of time together. Sigh.
I feel that way about our tile floors. The grout is very familiar with ferret poo.
ReplyDeleteSo funny (and so true)!
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