A LF FAN ASKS BEATRIX HER ADVICE...

Kassie has found her soul mate Marley...

Dear Miss Beatrix ( matchmaker to the stars),

As Valentine's Day fast approaches, I am writing to you in total desperation. I know who my soul mate is, but he is totally oblivious to my existence ( see enclosed pictures) and I hope that with your vast experience, you can suggest something to make him sit up and take notice of me. Something less drastic than the frying pan to the cranium is preferable.

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Kassie and I am a spayed female English setter adopted by John and Margie Harris. I am a mid west girl originally hailing from Nebraska. I was surrendered to ACES ( another chance for English setters) because of my many run ins with the law. I was  a typical rebellious youth. I would escape my yard and go to the small lake in my community to chase the ducks and the geese. The game warden, ( I called him the fish fuzz) would return me to my home with dire warnings to my guardian that the next time I transgressed, there would be a fine to pay and possible incarceration( me , not them). In despair of my willful ways, they gave me up so that I could find a home that would keep me safe. I now live in Tafton, PA. near scenic Lake Wallenpaupack. This home has a physical fence and is surrounded by invisible fencing. I am where the fish fuzz predicted, a maximum security facility.

I think that my best feature is my gentle nature. My ACES biography says I am submissive but I really am shy. That is the thing about myself that I would change if I could. I should be more assertive and then maybe I could get Marley's attention with out resorting to professional intervention. A word that begins with 'S' to describe myself would be stunning. No brag, just fact. I have heard it most of my life.

My favorite part of the day is after dinner, sitting with John in the recliner watching the evening news. Next to Marley, John is the top dog.

I enjoy freeze dried liver treats and when no humans are home, I call the chair in the living room my own. If anyone sits in MY chair, I stare at them until they move. They always move too!

...but he doesn't seem to notice her.

My favorite LF collar is the next  new one that comes my way, frankly. But at the risk of sounding conceited, I have to say that the RIGHT SAID RED adds to my stunning allure.

My perfect match is Marley O'Brien, a neutered male West Highland White Terrier. It would be a serious committed relationship because at our ages, neither is as flighty and impetuous as when we were pups. He is kind, sensitive and respectful. He is shorter than I am, but that does not matter to me. Other dogs may scoff at me because I am 14 and Marley is only 7. Please don't label me a cougar. I assure you that there is a deep connection between us in spite of the age difference and not because of it..We enjoy the same things. I prefer to be inside and so does Mar-Mar. We both enjoy liver snacks and cozying by the fireplace when there is snow outside. Me, because the snow and cold exacerbates my arthritis, Marley because, well, as close to the ground as he is, certain things get snow covered and cold quite quickly. Please don't put me to the blush and ask for more details.

If I were to date a celebrity, I would date Jimmy Stewart. I think he is rather Bloodhound-like. Slow , deliberate and serious in demeanor and voice. We have the mid west as a commonality. I am from Nebraska and he was originally from Iowa. We both would have similar values.

On the other hand, I see  Robin Williams as a jack rat( Jack Russell or Parson Russell , if you are a purist). While I enjoy his sense of humor, the incessant leaping from spot to spot, speaking like thewordsareshotoutofamachinegun for 23 hours a day would make me want to smother him with a pillow in his one hour of down time.

Marley makes my heart go pitty pat. No other will do for me. No deal breakers with him He is perfect in every way. Our ideal date is watching old movies cuddled up by the fireplace together with him finally knowing how I feel about him and for him to return my deep and abiding love.

Thank you , Beatrix for hearing my plea. I hope you can facilitate my dream of loving Marley forever.

Setterly,

Kassie

Dear Kassie,

  Oh darling, I feel for you. While I never have been rebuffed by a man I can certainly understand how hurtful it would be. I think you need to turn it up a notch to get Mar-Mar eating out of your little paw. 

  First thing to try is maybe a few "hey notice me Bub" tricks. A brand new fancy collar, a sweet smelling doggie shampoo, new haircut or maybe even a colorful pawdicure with one of this season's bright colors like Pantone Orchid. A jaunty tied scarf or tight fitting sweater are simple ways to stand out in the crowd. All of these are little ways to show Marley you are one gorgeous lady who WILL be noticed. The key Kassie is to feel good about yourself and be the best version of YOU. Once you do that you'll have Marley drooling over you like a bacon stuffed Kong toy. So stop hiding under the covers and get that Westie's attention!

Smooches - Beatrix