Monday, January 27, 2014

LOVE MATCH Contestant #888 POPPY

"Don't 'cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?"  - Poppy 
Poppy is a winner damn it


The Basics
Dog's Name: Poppy 
Dog's Gender: All girly girl
Dog's Breed: English Setter (the bench type, duh)
Name of Guardian: Shannon & Alex
Guardian's email address: on file w/LF
Where was dog born: Oswego, Illinois
Where does dog reside now:  Illinois
Rescue? Kinda What organization: What's rescue? Um, isn't everybody born and spoken for immediately? Like people were lining up for my litter. 

About You
Your best feature inside or out?: Too many to list but I am constantly told my head is perfect and my chest is super-duper and my topline is nice and my spots are so pretty and I'm like the total package.  I also let any human pet me and adore me because I am totally about sharing my perfection with the world. I am like a planetarium in that way. Wait. What? Oh, sorry my DogMom says the word is humanitarian. Whatev.
What would you change if you could?: My Dogparents say I am not the sharpest tool in the shed, but like I totally don't get it because I for sure broke into the shed this summer and there were like no tools in there. So like explain that? 
One word starting with "S" to describe you: Gorgeousness. Wait, can the word end in "S"? Also I like the word "Pig Ear" because they are super yummy.  I also like the word "Glimmer" because ribbons at dog shows are all glimmerish. 
Favorite part of day?: Saturday
Favorite human?: Whatever person is judging the show ring

Least Favorite human?: Like that guy named Vet who looks all weird in the white coat who sticks that thing up my bum without even like asking first. I mean what is that all about? 
Favorite treat?: I totally already said Pig Ears, why are you like asking things two times? I'm all like deja boo and stuff. 
Favorite place to spend time?: Getting groomed at the groom shop because I get to hang out with my brothers and let them chase me. They are too slow and fat to catch me so I'm all like "losers, later" and then I smell really good when I leave. Like apples and heaven. 
Favorite Lucky Fiona collar and why?: I like the ones that totally go around your neck and people are all like "WOW, you look amazing." and I'm all like "Yeah, I know, right?" 

What Dog is Looking for in Perfect Match
Male? Female? Open?: Male
Are you looking for a casual or serious relationship? Explain: I'm too young to be tied down, like who wants to be with just one Sugar Daddy when there can be several buying you nice things? I mean do the math. 1+1 = 3 and I would totally like having 3 boyfriends instead of 1, I mean it's really simple if you think deeply about it for a few seconds like I like to do over really, really important things.  It's like tiring to think real hard but you have to. 
If you could date a human celebrity that turned into a canine who would it be?: Kanye
Explain what makes your heart go pitter pat in another dog?: Ok, first off did you just say I am fiddle fat? I'm like so skinny and I don't even play a musical instrument, I mean that is just like total mean girl to say anything about my weight. I'm a superdogmodel and I like stand on the platform thing and people take my picture because I am perfect. 
What attributes in a doggie partner are a deal breaker?: Um, I would totally not like a guy who can't see how overwhelmingly beautiful I am. Like open your ears and see how stunning I am standing right in front of you? I mean I want a partner who like understands I'm pretty much the best he will ever get. So don't be all cheap like "Oh, I made you a Valentine out of biscuits as a sign of my love" because that's totally not going to cut it. I want Tiffanys and Louis Vuitton and somebody who can explain to me the great mysteries of life. Like what happened to all the tools in the shed and why does it even matter if they are sharp because some tools are not even for cutting things? Duh.
Dream dog date?: First we would eat some incredible filet mignon on fine bone china (oh, and have bones too, lots of bones) on a big yacht in the middle of a beautiful blue ocean. Thirdly we would talk about me and how pretty my eyes are and how if you look at me for a long time you just find more things that are really gorgeous. Then we would make a long list of all the things I want and we would drive the boat to the store and you would buy them for me. Then I would be all like "Yeah for me!" and you would all be like "Wow, you're so pretty!" 

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