Wednesday, February 12, 2014

LOVE MATCH Contestant #711 BEATRIX

Beatrix is the Matchmaker looking for a match. 



The Basics
Dog's Name: Beatrix Elizabeth Barry
Dog's Gender: Female
Dog's Breed: English Setter/Supermodel/Don't know who or what my Daddy was (hence why I am still in therapy)
Name of Guardian: Shannon & Alex
Guardian's email address: on file w/Lucky Fiona
Where was dog born: Ohio (Mom was a Kentucky Shelter pull who fostered in the Buckeye State)
Where does dog reside now: Illinois
Rescue? What organization: YES! OESR

About You
Your best feature inside or out?: My lovely lined eyes. Some say they are bewitching. I just say they are like the great Nefertiti - full of wisdom and power.
What would you change if you could?: I would insist all corporations be mandated to create 0% waste and use green technologies. Oh, change about myself? Well I wish that I had focused more on global economics in grad school and less on European literature and dead languages.
One word starting with "S" to describe you: Sagacious.
Favorite part of day?: Morning. Each new day is full of infinite possibilities.
Favorite human?: My Mum

Least Favorite human?: The vet. That evil villain makes me wear what he calls a "party hat" like I am a stupid child. I know that thing is a muzzle dumbass. 
Favorite treat?: I adore lamb lungs. Such wonderful little nibbles!
Favorite place to spend time?: Under the ottoman in the mud room. It's my secret hiding spot where I get to meditate.
Favorite Lucky Fiona collar and why?: I'm a big fan of the Tea with Beatrix, it's a classic print with a timeless beauty.

What Dog is Looking for in Perfect Match
Male? Female? Open?: Open
Are you looking for a casual or serious relationship? Explain: Casual. Until there is marriage equality recognized everywhere I refuse to commit formally to another.
If you could date a human celebrity that turned into a canine who would it be?: James Woods - have you seen his IQ number?
Explain what makes your heart go pitter pat in another dog?: I love a dog that keeps me smiling and likes to play rough but understands when I am tired of playing you need to just chill out. Also I have a thing for dogs with expressive eyes and a poetic soul.
What attributes in a doggie partner are a deal breaker?: Don't try to steal my bully stick. Don't even think it. 

Dream dog date?: We'd start off having puppicinos at Starbucks, we'd bark at the barista like they were a terrorist and then read Forbes magazine together while considering existential concepts in today's modern society. Then we would go to the dog park and run and run and run. We'd share a clean bowl of water and you will not slobber in it because I do not like drooly water. Then we'd go to my house and stand on the deck rail while watching for intruders while DogMum grills us a steak which we would share. We'd end our date with a foreign film at the local theater and I may give you gentle kisses if you treat me like the lady I am. 

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